Years ago I had an accident that broke me. The picture to the left is me with my friend Matt who had been driving the snowmobile that hit a tree and sent us careening down Whistler Mountain in Vancouver, Canada. After the crash, he tried to convince me that I would be ok. My legs were like noodles and I looked up to him and said, "I am not going to be ok because you are not wearing any underwear!" In the accident, his pants had ripped and he was commando over me. We had a laugh, hitched a toboggan and started the pain killers. Morphine really helps ya smile unless you have a bad drug trip and think you are dying and going to a dark place instead of the light. Oh, sorry to digress. Things continued to spiral down. I was told I would be in a wheelchair for 6 months. My apartment was in a 5th floor
walk-up building and I could not use it. I was on disability leave from work that I loved at Showtime Networks. My boyfriend dumped me. I was in pain. My family was 800 miles away. I was broken.
Negative thoughts were rolling around my head, “You have no one in your life, you are going to wither away. You don't matter. You have really messed it up now. You are going to be so lonely.” After a month of being in a Vic-o-din haze, I thought, “WAIT THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. Enjoy the break from
work. Have friends visit you and
take you out. Tell the jerk who dumped you to kiss off. Stand up for being someone who makes the best out of any situation.” I ordered delicious
meals. I had the physical therapist wheel me to the park for our sessions. I got a great tan minus the scars and
cast because I sunned on the sidewalk in a bikini and wheelchair. I become the unofficial mayor of West 81st
St. and chatted up men, women, and children on their way to and fro. My friends took me out and carried me through many an awkward door frame to get into a restaurant or bar. I had more dates than at any other time
of my life. I ended up falling in
love with the man I’ve been with for 17 years.
I
made a choice to think about my situation differently by changing the
voice inside my head. Sometimes those voices tell you to be mad at
someone
without all the facts. Sometimes
the thoughts make you feel fearful about money. Would you spend time with a friend who talked to you like
that? What credentials does that
voice have? So here are 5
techniques to whoop it up with your mind chatter.
1.
Counter the thought. Try the positivity ratio, discovered by Barbara Frederickson. It's 3:1. Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with 3
positive ones. Negative: My arms are fat. Positive: My arms are strong. My arms are smooth. My arms allow me to hold my child. Wear a rubber band
on your wrist and pop it when you're negative. Snap out of it.
2. Get rational: Ask three questions, by Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, who is the founder of the Flourishing Center and the program where I got my positive psychology certification. http://www.emiliya.com/
- Not true because…
- Another way of looking at this is….
- Most likely outcome is…
For example, I was beating myself up for not having success on a project. The voice, "You're not able to do it. You can't run your own company. You don't have what it takes."
That's not true because I have a lot of success in my life.
That's not true because I have a lot of success in my life.
Another way of looking at this is that I just need to learn some techniques and strategies.
The most likely outcome is that it will be a learning process and I will be able to do it with some practice.
3.
Open Your Heart
This tip is from The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer talks about Samskara, which is a Sanskrit word meaning
“impression.” Samskara is a
blockage, a scar from an old wound, an impression from the past. It is unfinished business and can end
up running your life.
Open your heart and live in love when these thoughts
occur. Allow the experiences
of life to come in and pass through your being. See page 57 for an example.
4. The Learner & Judger Paths
Why am I such a failure? Why did they do that?
Who’s fault is it? These thoughts put you in the Judger’s Pit.
OR
What happened?
What do I want? What am I
responsible for? What can I do
now? What are my choices? What can I learn? Now you're on the Learner Path.
5. Laugh @ the negative voice – This is an exercise in the extreme. Create a persona for your negative voice. My negative voice is an old hag named Gertrude who never follows her dreams. She is a sad, scared old woman full of fear. She drinks and smokes and, wants company in her misery. "You’re weak. You can’t do it. You are not good enough. You don’t have an ivy league education. You aren’t smart enough." When she starts harping on me, I tell her to shut up. I recognize her and kick that old, angry hag to the curb.
There ya have it, 5 ways to give that negative voice the whoop POW!
Hugs to you!
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