Thoughts are what make us. Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius
said, “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your
thoughts.” Buddha quote: We are
shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. I tell my kids: "Your
mind believes what it says."
The way to feel fun and joyful is by learning how to harness, or as I say, get down with the thoughts in our head. If you have thoughts of second-guessing, put downs,
criticizing, over thinking, you probably have had a sleepless night or two.
Some thoughts are benign. There is always a ticker tape running. It is sorta like a roommate in your head. “Wow, it’s chilly this morning. I need a jacket. Crazy temp for July. Will traffic be bad? Need to change my hair
appointment. Hope David is having
fun at camp."
Or thoughts can be damaging. “Shoot, I
can’t remember her name. What is
her name? Darn, here she
comes. What is it? Sally, Sue? She just told me yesterday. What is the matter with me?! Damn it! I am so dumb.”
Here are the 5 ways to
give that negative voice the whoop POW.
1. Counter the thought with the positivity ratio.
2. Use humor by giving your inner critic a
persona.
3. Get rational with three questions.
4. Love and Samskara.
5. The Judger/Learner Paths.
Years ago I had an accident and broke both my
legs. I spent a few weeks as a sad
sack. My apartment was in a 5th floor
walk-up building. Now I was on track to be a wheelchair for 5 months. I was displaced from my home, my pet, my stuff. I was on disability leave. My boyfriend dumped me. My family was 800 miles away. Negative thoughts were rolling around my head, “You’re broken,
you have no one in your life, you are going to wither away, you have no one in
your life. You have really messed it up now. No one will want you.” After a month of being in a
haze, I thought, “WAIT THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. Make the best of the
situation. Enjoy the break from
work. Have friends visit you and
take you out.” I ordered delicious
meals. I had the Physical Therapist wheel me to the park for our sessions. I got a great tan minus the scars and
cast because I sunned on the sidewalk in my bikini and wheelchair. I become the unofficial mayor of West 81st
St. and chatted up men, women, and children on their way to and fro. My friends took me out and carried me through many an awkward door frame to get into a restaurant or bar. I had more dates than at any other time
of my life. I ended up falling in
love with the man I’ve been with for 17 years.
I made a choice to think about my situation differently. I changed the voice inside my head. Sometimes those voices tell you to be mad at someone
without all the facts. Sometimes
the thoughts make you feel fearful about money. Would you spend time with a friend who talked to you like
that? What credentials does that
voice have? So here are 5
techniques to whoop it up with your mind chatter.
1.
Counter the thought. Try the positivity ratio, discovered by Barbara Frederickson. It's 3:1. Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with 3
positive ones. Negative: My arms are fat. Positive: My arms have skin that is smooth. My arms bend and are strong enough to
carry groceries. My arms allow me to hold my child. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and pop it when you're negative. Snap out of it.
2.
Laugh @ the negative voice – "You’re weak. You can’t do it. You are not good enough. You don’t have a Masters degree. You aren’t smart enough." My negative voice is an old hag named
Gertrude who never follows her dreams.
She is a sad, scared old woman full of fear. She drinks and smokes and, wants company in her misery. When she starts harping on me, I tell
her to shut up. I recognize her
and tell her to go away.
3.
Get rational:
Ask three questions, by Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, who is the founder of the Flourishing
Center and the program where I got my positive psychology certification. http://www.emiliya.com/
1. Not true because…
2. Another way of looking at this is….
3. Most likely outcome is…
For example, I was beating myself up for not having success on a project. The voice, "You're not able to do it. You can't run your own company properly. You don't have what it takes."
That's not true because I have a lot of success in my life.
Another way of looking at this is that I just need to learn some techniques and strategies.
The most likely outcome is that it will be a learning process and I will be able to do it with some practice.
4.
Open Your Heart
This tip is from The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer talks about Samskara, which is a Sanskrit word meaning
“impression.” Samskara is a
blockage, a scar from an old wound, an impression from the past. It is unfinished business and can end
up running your life.
Open your heart and live in love when these thoughts
occur. Allow the experiences
of life to come in and pass through your being. See page 57 for an example.
5. The Learner & Judger Paths
Why am I such a failure? Why did they do that?
Who’s fault is it? These thoughts put you in the Judger’s Pit.
OR
What happened?
What do I want? What am I
responsible for? What can I do
now? What are my choices? What can I learn? Now you're on the Learner Path.
There ya have it, 5 ways to give that negative voice
the whoop POW! If you need help
one on one with getting to underlying beliefs, how to do work on changing up
your mind chatter in the moment, and following your dreams, I AM HERE TO COACH
YOU. Email me at cyndy@whoopiequeen.com or call the whoopie hotline, 917)714-0694.
Hugs to you!
