Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

THAT NEW BRA FEELING+WAYS TO PUSH UP THE HAPPY FACTOR AT WORK

I am really afraid to put this out there for fear of what you might think of me.  But I'm doing it anyway, living up to my credo that we only have one life on this planet and we have to whoop it up.  Being authentic is part of it, and I'm playing with it.

A few years ago, back when I worked for E! Entertainment Television in Los Angeles, I was involved in a sexual harassment case. I was 28 years old, in management with a staff of six writer/producers, several associate producers, a few production assistants, an intern, and multiple freelancers.  We created great promotional commercials with every major celebrity saying E!, entertainment television!  I sat in meetings with Joan Rivers and discussed the best ways to promote Fashion Police.  I was part of the Howard Stern on TV effort.  I did red carpet interviews.  It was a blast until one day an editor threw a tape at our intern.

I went through the proper procedures and filed a report with Human Resources.  As a result, the editor was put on the overnight shift.  In some kind of retaliation move, a few months later, he complained to HR that I sexually harassed him.  There was a big meeting in the President of Human Resources office with several other management team members.  They took the complaint seriously.  There would be a full investigation.  I was never to be alone with him.  Each member of my staff would be interviewed.  Personal questions would be asked.

 I told the President of Human Resources that if I wanted to risk my job and harass someone, he would have to be really good looking, not look like a little troll.  Well, that didn't go over well.  His claim was that I put my "boobs" on his back and I told him to make edits.  After laughing off my chair, I stuck out my chest revealing that I'm not a Double D, and I would have to be really close to him, practically lying on him to have my breasty dumplings on his back. If I was on his back, he would not be able to make an edit because the sheer weight of my body would inhibit his ability to push buttons.  That CSI analysis didn't fly.

Finally, I told them I was not so much offended for being accused of sexual harassment, but offended for anyone thinking I would lower my standards to use my "girls" without being paid or having a magazine spread.   I mean, jeez, what'd they take me for?!

An investigation ensued for 3 months with my staff to determine if I was "inappropriate."  Everyone was looking at my lady pillows.  My boulder holders had enough padding, they could have been used as a flotation device.  I bought new bras because it embarrassed the Victoria Secrets right out of me.  I minimized.  I felt small.  I could go on and on about the trials and tribulations of crying my eyes out in the parking lot before I went into work every day, practicing my mantra that "I am bigger than this!," holding my head high while feeling humiliated, and trying my darndest to be the most "appropriate" employee of all time.

Lo and behold, after three months, I was found innocent and everyone carried on their merry way.  Except I was left with a feeling of being abused and did what any self-righteous, innocent woman would do.  I immediately went to the lingerie department and bought the whole lot of Betsy Johnson brassieres.  There's nothing like that new bra feeling!

As I reflect on how I remained a joy-filled person during that ordeal, truths to creating happiness at work are revealed. I've been employed by large corporations such as Viacom, CBS, Showtime, Comcast, E!, Turner Broadcasting.  I've been a member of small production companies.  Now I am an entrepreneur.  According to Forbes, the traditional gold standard for measuring professional success is money, yet happiness seems to be highest-priority goal for feeling successful.  An oft-cited study by Stanford University economist Angus Deaton and psychologist Daniel Kahneman indicates that once you’re pulling in a salary of $75,000, any additional dollar earned does nothing more to increase personal life satisfaction.  Put that in your lingerie drawer and scent it.  Here are some things I do make work a joyriding adventure, even with the bumps along the way.

Truths to Push Up the Happiness Factor at Work

Move your body at work. Schedule walking meetings and phone calls.  Sitting is the new smoking.  Set an alarm for every 50 minutes to get off your tush and shake it.   We had a snow day yesterday and I played "Just Dance" with my daughter.  I'm inspired to do four dances during the day to get in an extra 20 minutes of exercise in the privacy of my playroom.  And, I'll have the moves to prove it. 

Schedule activities that bring you joy.  Schedule things that make you happy.  Lunch with your lover.  Coffee with a friend. Shake your body at Zumba class.  Walk to get an ice cream.  Take a weekly shopping break.  Get a massage every two weeks.  Mani/Pedi every Friday with a girlfriend.  Have dance breaks to get you off your tush.  Once these "happy blasts" are on my calendar, I follow through.
Get out of the Judger's Pit.  At work, there is bound to be things that do not go as expected or envisioned.  Try not to go negative.  There are more negative words than positive.  According to a study at Penn State, "half of all the words that people produce from their working vocabulary to express emotion are negative. And 30 percent are positive and 20 percent are neutral."  The Choice Map provides tools to switch lanes when the proverbial "shit hits the fan."


Get more sleep.  After a sleepless night, you may be more irritable, short-tempered, and vulnerable to stress.  Enough said!

Create a social circle of like-minded business people.  Commit to creating a circle of like-minded business "friends" in which no money is exchanged between members.  Use the group to brainstorm ideas, explore ways to achieve goals, and be accountable to someone outside of "work."  My group is called the Gold Bikinis and we have calls every Monday to brag about what we have accomplished, give gratitude for what we have, and state our desires for what we want.  This pic was a slumber party we had in December.  No one was wearing a gold bikini, but we could.

Help someone EVERY DAY.  Check in with a friend who is having a tough time, mentor a colleague, call your mother and listen, volunteer, pay for someone's coffee in line in front of you.  From Forbes, Professor Cassie Mogilner, a researcher on happiness and time management at the Wharton School, explained this study recently, “The results show that giving your time to others can make you feel more ‘time affluent’ and less time-constrained than wasting your time, spending it on yourself, or even getting a windfall of free time.”
Whether it be through mentorship, volunteering, showing interest, or lending an ear to a friend, giving time to others expands your sense of time and results in greater life satisfaction.  Random Acts of Kindness Week is just before Valentine's Day but you get bonus points in heaven for doing it when it's not a national "holiday!"

Reflect about the things you’re grateful for.  I often forget how much is accomplished and sometimes get bummed that things are not moving as fast as I'd like.  I am building a gratitude board, like a vision board, but with all my achievements from the last year.  It will also have a section of what is upcoming so that when I get the blues, I can whistle while I work, padded bra, and all.

Designs by my friend and artist Tara Dixon http://gratitudedesigns.com/products/ 








Monday, January 12, 2015

Whoopierific Ways to Keep Resolutions

Do you think that actually going to the yoga class is more beneficial than walking around in stretch pants all day?  There IS a plus to looking like a OOOOOmanista with a green juice.  For istance, I feel flexible.  It's easy to get in and out of my car with packages.  And people think I worked out.  Guess it doesn't really meet the resolution to practice getting more grounded.  Yoga is supposed to be such a good stress reliever.  My issue is that when I do my downward dog, I end up sounding like Queen LaQueefa.  That's not zen, it's freaking noisy.  

According to Forbes magazine, only 8% of us will keep our New Years Resolutions.  It's freaking hard to change.  Some experts say that to break a habit, you have to replace it with a new habit. They suggest we rewire the brain with a new, positive trigger, and reward yourself.   Guess that means to get the benefit of a downward dog, I'll need to do an online class in private, and treat myself to a green juice in public.  This is making me feel so grounded.  It really is a practice.

Watch my take on ways to make resolutions stick or read more ideas below...
 

Say you want to exercise more.  Join a gym with a friend.   The accountability of having a buddy with you will actually keep you showing up.  Take a class that is enjoyable.  You are more likely to stick to anything if you add an element of fun.  Zumba is hit and half because we shake it like a Polaroid. 

Want more happiness?   Try a celebratory attitude by finding a reason to celebrate the every day.  It can be simple - I didn't yell at my kids today.  Or, whoo hoo, I slept 8 hours last night.  Some people might put this in the gratitude category.  There are oodles of unique "holidays" if you need a little extra help.  Last week was Elvis' birthday so we had pb & banana sammies for dinner.  Next week there is National Hug Day.  I resolve to try the "more-than-you-were-expecting" hug on a few people. 

DAYS TO CELEBRATE THIS WEEK:
1/13 Tuesday - Make Your Dream Come True Day.  Better than a resolution, this is buket list material for dreaming big.  Check out Before I Die http://beforeidie.cc/site/  Candy Change painted an abandoned building with chalkboard paint and started a movement. 
Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.
Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.
Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.
Before I die I want to _______.” Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.

1/14 Wednesday - Dress Your Pet Day:  Oh gawd!  

1/15 National Hat Day:  As if we didn't wear enough hats!  Pick your favorite actual hat or don a metaphoric one. 

1/19 MLK Day of Service - Get out there and help somebody.  If you have kids, check out the shelters.  They often need people to volunteer to make sandwiches.  They also gave us a tour of the facility and it was good for the kids to see where the ladies sleep.  All bunk beds are not created equally.

Whoop it Up!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Gratitude for Odd Family & Dealing With the Crazy


I hope I don't insult my family by stating this - WE HAVE SOME ODDBALLS.  My grandparents have a house full of taxidermy.  A cousin greats you by patting your booty while saying, "Bless your heart."  An uncle has a special "square dancing name" and wears it on his belt buckle.  A 90 year old aunt declared to all at our last gathering that she wants to have sex one more time.  That's the norm at my family gatherings so you can imagine what a holiday does to the cra-cra factor.  Thanksgiving makes people go nuts.

Disaster and comedy are often part of our holiday meal. When I was a little girl, we were in Tennessee visiting my dad's side of the family near the Smoky Mountains in a little, bitty town called Spring City, next to Soddy Daisy, around the corner from Stump Hollow.  Everyone was chowing on the spread of turkey, fried fish, chicken-n-dumplings and all sorts of non-Pilgrim dishes.  They do a side of jello, cream cheese, with pretzels and throw in some strawberries to call it a "salad." 

My Aunt Patsy was enjoying her dinner when all of a sudden, she started the "I'm choking" pantomime, only she wasn't playing a game.  Uncle Hayward grabbed her from behind, pulled her pants down, and put his tongue all over her bottom.  The food went flying through the air and Aunt Patsy started breathing again.  Grandpa proudly hugged me while whispering, "The Cecil's call that The Hind Lick Maneuver."  

So as we gather with our families this holiday to give thanks, keep in mind that gratitude releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter in the brain that makes us feel great.  Regular gratitude helps create a "virtuous cycle" in that the brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for, hoping to get that next rush.  I am super grateful for the odd things my family does.  I only hope I can live up to their legacy.

Tips on how to deal with the "crazy":
•  Avoid topics that will get you into trouble.  If you know Uncle Bobby always talks politics, make a joke out of it when he baits you.  Say, "Let's not talk about that, and give the rest of the family something to be thankful for."
•  Don't gobble till you wobble.  Tough order for Thanksgiving but think of it as a 2 day feast and know you can have leftovers.  Or, wear yoga pants. They are on my gratitude list.
•   Bite your tongue.  It's one day and better to leave feeling proud of how you showed up instead of dealing with the aftermath.
•  If someone offends you, ask them, "That really hurt my feelings. Think you could rephrase what you said in a way that shows you love me?"  Corny but it works.
•  Make your own fun to bring up the mood!

Happy Thanksgiving!


Thursday, November 13, 2014

4 Tips So You Don't Lose It This Thanksgiving!


I have an uncle I see during the holidays who always picks me up and squeezes me so tight that I often feel bad for my panties.  Oh, the joys of family.  Because the holidays make people go nuts, here are 4 tips to put in your unbuckled tool belt which should keep you from losing it at turkey time.

1.  Take the Road Less Traveled.  Sheeeeez, while you're at it, take the easy road, it will make all the difference!  For instance, this year, I am NOT buying a turkey that I have to pluck. I shot my first bird just yesterday...scared everyone in the frozen food section.  Ok, for real, I will do things so that I am not a hot mess prepping all day, full of resentment.  I will buy pies from the bakery.   Slicing and dicing will go down 1-2 days before national-stuff-your-face day.  This year, crock pot stuffing recipe makes it debut (at the bottom of this post). 


2.  Make "The List." - “The List” has been a marriage saver.  When we have a party or holiday meal with lots to do, we “put it on the list.”   It is neutral and indicates what needs to be done without me "barking" orders.  Include it all:  pull out the card table, put in new candles, set the table, menu plan, grocery shop, brine turkey, prep veggies, string party lights, vacuum, and even the assignment for the errand person who will go out and find those cloves you forgot.  Go over it and divide up the duties with your partner. 


3.  Create a New Tradition.  This one is super easy - GRATITUDE ROLLS.  Have your guests write on parchment paper what they are grateful for and roll the paper in crescent rolls.  It's a poppin' fresh show at dinner. 





4.   Add Some Fun. 
  • Have pie first in that hour and half when things are supposed to be ready but they're not.  "Desserts" is "stressed" spelled backwards. A little, sneaky slice makes for a sweet time.
  • Tell a turkey tale around the table.  This is a variation on an improv game.  Someone starts with,"Jerry didn’t want to go to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving this year."  The next person adds to the story and so on and so on. OR The bird fell on the floor and...

    • Take pictures and put people into Thanksgiving Jib Jab videos. 
       

       Happy Thanksgiving from The Cecil-Braggs!  Party like it's 1621!

      Bonus:
      Slow Cooker Stuffing video 



      Tuesday, April 8, 2014

      SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA

      Someone recently asked me to talk about work-home balance.  I feel like a bit of a fraud shedding light on this one because it is an area that needs some attentions in my life.  While I'm cooking dinner, I often check my email, facebook, twitter.  I want to be here when the kids get home from school but often I'm still at my computer finalizing an edit, or an email, or a carpool, or an appointment.  When is enough enough?  We are all so busy.  People say the key is to create boundaries of when to do what and for how long with the goal of enjoying the present.

      Something recently popped up in my positive psychology work that really speaks to me- STOP SHOULDING ALL OVER YOURSELF.   Eliminate what does not bring you JOY!  And I'll add to it, STOP SHOULDING ALL OVER YOUR KIDS.  Maybe your child shouldn't play 2 or 3 sports every season.  Maybe he or she won't play varsity soccer or God forbid, get into an ivy league school.  Maybe they'll be happy playing one sport and getting an education in something they want to pursue.  Same for you mom.  Same for me. Maybe I won't be the next big deal.  But I'll be me, being happy. 

      As I try to balance work and home, I am trying to find what is right, right now.  My new practice is that every time I walk through a door, I think about what is good right now.  What can I be grateful for instead of what I should do to have something else.  There's my work-home balance tip:  STOP SHOULDING AND START BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW.  All the should coulda woulda will fall away and give you more time to be present.   I like presents.

      Friday, December 13, 2013

      3 Tips to Beat the Holi-daze




      An appreciation for elf culture is important during this season. "I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite."  Love the movie Elf!  Buddy beams joy.  The holidays are supposed to be a happy time but all too often they can leave you frazzled and exhausted.  When your schedule starts to stress you out, whoop it up with these three tips.

      • Feeling Overwhelmed?  Take a short break to wrap presents.  Performing monotonous task can actually boost creativity and problem solving skills, according to study from UC Santa Barbara.  Could explain why I clean the house when I am mad.  

      • On a tight budget?  Make the holidays about GIVING with a visit to a soup kitchen or nursing home.  Volunteering releases a trigger of feel good hormones.  Match your volunteer skills with a worthy cause at volunteermatch.org.
      •   Grumpy, Scrooge-like?  You are not the only one who falls in a funk at the "most wonderful time of the year."  It’s the expectations.  Write a letter of gratitude or count blessing to rewire the brain's pleasure circuits. (Family Circle Dec 2013)  
      BONUS MOST IMPORTANT TIP OF ALL:  MAKE FUN! Think "how can I CREATE some FUN" at a time when you are in the full throws of Stressmas?  Be your own best funmaker.   Here's a site that delivers a quick fun-fix in tune with the holidays.  Create an elfie!  Go to elfie.me, upload a photo, put on some antlers, and viola!

      Coming next week:
      Pop Up Comedy Video - Quest For Christmas Cheer where I visit the dump, talk with my exterminator, and sit on Santa's lap. 


      Monday, November 25, 2013

      Whoop It Up No Matter Who's Talkin' Turkey



      It's butterball time and with all the relatives around, there might be a ruffled feather or two.  Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.  If your Uncle Bob is a Rush Limbaugh fan and your cousin Serenity drives a Prius, it may be wise to avoid topics like politics and religion at your Thanksgiving table this year.  Duh!  Here are some tips on how to whoop it up with more fun & less stress, no matter who is talkin’ turkey.   It's a cornucopia fit for The Thanksgiving Hunger Games:  Special Names, Costumes, Rituals, and Awards.  

      Pre-meal Creative Mission :

      During the prep stage of the day, often times family is sitting around while the meal is a cooking.  People get restless or drink too much which could cause friction at the table.  Best to put them on a creative mission.


      • Pilgrim Name Generator – type in each person’s name on this website to find out their Pilgrim Name which chould help inspire them to create a headdress (next item).  Put name on name tag.  On this day forth, I shall be known as Alice Hopkins, great great great pumpkin pie eating grandmother of Anthony.   http://www.quizopolis.com/pilgrim-name-generator.php


      • Costumes, everyone! - Have everyone make a headdress.  Options are great: Fall Harvest Crown, Feather, Pilgrim Hat, Pilgrim Bonnet, Scarecrow. http://www.parents.com/holiday/thanksgiving/crafts/super-cute-thanksgiving-hats/#page=26


      • Compete in a Talkin' Turkey Trivia Game with a buzzer or bell - Trivia Facts http://www.whsv.com/seasonal/misc/33852054.html


      At The Table Rituals:
      • Chalkboard table – write what you’re grateful for on the table.  

      • Pass The Candle and say what you're most thankful for.  

      Tell Funny Stories Thanksgivings Gone Wrong, dog grabbed turkey off counter, clogged up toilet, drunk fam member.  Great stories at Gawker -  http://gawker.com/5863107/here-are-your-worst-thanksgiving-horror-stories

      Have a toxic guest?  Use place cards.  Move Uncle Bob and his outbursts to the end of the table – Keep the kids at the same table with the adults for more lively adventure.  (I always hated the kid table!)
       

      Post Meal Decompression: 
      Awards:  Share “Thank You Certificates” with dessert.  Funny ways to enjoy each other…each person gives one to another person at the table…coordinated by the dinner host. http://www.night.net/kids/cert-thanks.html-ssi
      • Thank You For The Constant Whistling…makes our house seem happy.
      • Thank You for the Guilt Call...I know how much you care.
      • Thank You for Taking a Nap Every Time We Watch TV…so I can change the channel.

      •  Turkey trot after the meal.  Walk off those giblets: 160 pound person, 1 hr walk = 250 cal.

      •  Watch a movie – If you are not going to see The Hunger Games, here are 10 movies about Thanksgiving with my fav’s Trains/Planes, Avalon, Home For the Holidays and more.  Great list on IMDB http://www.imdb.com/list/BhMKFbC2SWg/

      ENJOY and Happy Thanksgiving!
      I hope you get your favorite style of cranberry sauce and lots of hugs!

      Cyndy, The Whoopie Queen



      p.s. If your relatives do a doozie to your emotions this holiday, never fear, The Whoopie Queen is here.  I have a call on Wednesday, December 4th at 12noon to provide positive psychology tips and tools on getting down with your mind chatter.   http://www.eventbrite.com/e/whoop-it-up-with-your-mind-chatter-tickets-9231111503