5 WAYS TO KICK YOUR INNER CRITIC'S BOOTY

Thoughts are what make us. Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”  Buddha quote:  We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.  I tell my kids: "Your mind believes what it says."  

The way to feel fun and joyful is by learning how to harness, or as I say, get down with the thoughts in our head.  If you have thoughts of second-guessing, put downs, criticizing, over thinking, you probably have had a sleepless night or two. 

Some thoughts are benign. There is always a ticker tape running.  It is sorta like a roommate in your head.  “Wow, it’s chilly this morning.  I need a jacket.  Crazy temp for July.  Will traffic be bad?  Need to change my hair appointment.  Hope David is having fun at camp."

Or thoughts can be damaging. “Shoot, I can’t remember her name.  What is her name?  Darn, here she comes.  What is it?  Sally, Sue?  She just told me yesterday.  What is the matter with me?!  Damn it!  I am so dumb.”

Here are the 5 ways to give that negative voice the whoop POW.

1.  Counter the thought with the positivity ratio.  

2.  Use humor by giving your inner critic a persona. 

3.  Get rational with three questions. 

4.  Love and Samskara. 

5.  The Judger/Learner Paths.

Years ago I had an accident and broke both my legs.  I spent a few weeks as a sad sack.  My apartment was in a 5^th floor walk-up building.  Now I was on track to be a wheelchair for 5 months.  I  was displaced from my home, my pet, my stuff.  I was on disability leave.  My boyfriend dumped me.  My family was 800 miles away.  Negative thoughts were rolling around my head, “You’re broken, you have no one in your life, you are going to wither away, you have no one in your life.  You have really messed it up now.  No one will want you.”  After a month of being in a haze, I thought, “WAIT THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. Make the best of the situation.  Enjoy the break from work.  Have friends visit you and take you out.”  I ordered delicious meals. I had the Physical Therapist wheel me to the park for our sessions.  I got a great tan minus the scars and cast because I sunned on the sidewalk in my bikini and wheelchair.  I become the unofficial mayor of West 81^st St. and chatted up men, women, and children on their way to and fro.  My friends took me out and carried me through many an awkward door frame to get into a restaurant or bar.  I had more dates than at any other time of my life.  I ended up falling in love with the man I’ve been with for 17 years.

I made a choice to think about my situation differently.  I changed the voice inside my head.  Sometimes those voices tell you to be mad at someone without all the facts.  Sometimes the thoughts make you feel fearful about money.  Would you spend time with a friend who talked to you like that?  What credentials does that voice have?  So here are 5 techniques to whoop it up with your mind chatter.

 

1.   Counter the thought.  Try the positivity ratio, discovered by Barbara Frederickson.  It's 3:1.  Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with 3 positive ones.  Negative:  My arms are fat.  Positive:  My arms have skin that is smooth.  My arms bend and are strong enough to carry groceries. My arms allow me to hold my child.  Wear a rubber band on your wrist and pop it when you're negative.  Snap out of it.

2.   Laugh @ the negative voice – "You’re weak.  You can’t do it.  You are not good enough.  You don’t have a Masters degree.  You aren’t smart enough."  My negative voice is an old hag named Gertrude who never follows her dreams.  She is a sad, scared old woman full of fear.  She drinks and smokes and, wants company in her misery.  When she starts harping on me, I tell her to shut up.  I recognize her and tell her to go away. 

3.   Get rational:  Ask three questions, by Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, who is the founder of the Flourishing Center and the program where I got my positive psychology certification.  http://www.emiliya.com/

1.  Not true because…

2.  Another way of looking at this is….

3.  Most likely outcome is…

For example, I was beating myself up for not having success on a project. The voice, "You're not able to do it.  You can't run your own company properly.  You don't have what it takes."  

That's not true because I have a lot of success in my life.

Another way of looking at this is that I just need to learn some techniques and strategies. 

The most likely outcome is that it will be a learning process and I will be able to do it with some practice.

4.   Open Your Heart

This tip is from The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer talks about Samskara, which is a Sanskrit word meaning “impression.”  Samskara is a blockage, a scar from an old wound, an impression from the past.  It is unfinished business and can end up running your life. 

Open your heart and live in love when these thoughts occur.   Allow the experiences of life to come in and pass through your being.  See page 57 for an example.

http://www.amazon.com/Untethered-Soul-Journey-Beyond-Yourself/dp/1572245379/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406730206&sr=1-1&keywords=untethered+soul+michael+singer&dpPl=1

5.   The Learner & Judger Paths

Why am I such a failure?  Why did they do that?  Who’s fault is it? These thoughts put you in the Judger’s Pit.

         OR

What happened?  What do I want?  What am I responsible for?  What can I do now?  What are my choices?  What can I learn?  Now you're on the Learner Path. 

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life by Marlee Adams, PhD. http://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Questions-Life-Paperback/dp/1576756009

There ya have it, 5 ways to give that negative voice the whoop POW!  If you need help one on one with getting to underlying beliefs, how to do work on changing up your mind chatter in the moment, and following your dreams, I AM HERE TO COACH YOU.  Email me at cyndy@whoopiequeen.com or call the whoopie hotline, 917)714-0694.

Hugs to you!

Summer Lovin' - Ways to Turn Up The Heat in Your Love Life

Summer is in full swing and if you looking for ways to turn up the heat in your love life, you’re in the right place.  Whoopie Queen Cyndy Bragg just celebrated her 13th wedding anniversary and she’s here to give tips on how to keep things steamy, even if you're wilting in the heat.   

1.     LIGHT THE FIRES

Start with the drink of the summer - the Moscow Mule.  I add jalapeno to the recipe,  which has aphrodisiac qualities to sizzle things up. 

Moscow Mules for Four:

300 ml Vodka
100 ml Lime Juice (Key West Lime Juice or 3 limes)

750 ml Ginger Beer

2 slices of jalapeno

Research shows that the key to keep FIRES BURNING in a relationship is to be PLAYFUL and ADVENTUROUS.  I call this keeping your own desires lit within.  There is more insight at the current issue of Psychology Today.  Most of the article suggests that shared responsibilities of house and home keeps the relationship simmering.   Men who vacuum, get more action.  It's what long time married gals call Porn for Women.

 

DATE IDEAS FOR A SUMMER GLOW:

•  Visit the DC monuments at night.

•  Go dancing under the lights at Glen Echo's big band bashes every Saturday.

•  Redbook Magazine recommends listening to erotica on a road trip.  Kiss Your Ear.

2.     GET FRESH

Would you want to date yourself?   I have a friend who says, “The best way to be adored is to be adorable.”  Freshen up things with your partner – flirt, write notes on the mirror, text a sexy something-something, send flowers IN AN ICE CUBE.  Edible flowers are available at Whole Foods. 

 FRESH DATE IDEAS: 

·      Go to a museum and count the nudes, i.e. Baltimore Museum of Art, Or book a Find The Nudes Scavenger Hunt in several cities - http://www.watsonadventures.com/public/event/the-naked-at-the-art-museum-scavenger-hunt-4/ 

·      Marathon House of Cards or Scandal and meet at POV, the bar at The W Hotel overlooking the White House.

·  Take iced coffee and bagels for breakfast at the National Zoo.  It opens at 6am, which is when the animals are frisky.  Woo hoo!

3.  SMOLDER IT UP AT HOME
People are so busy these days with work & family that time for connecting gets lost.  The last thing ya want to do if you're exhausted at the end of the day is to get-it-on.  Why wait until the end of the day?

           DATE IDEAS: 

·      Book a “Bedroom Date," i.e., have a nooner.

·      Create Lover’s Lane in your driveway – makeout in your car.

·      Put a blanket down in your backyard, surrounded with Glow Jars, and watch the fireflies attract their mates.  

GLOW JARS HOW-TO:  Glow Jars are like having a beautiful, giant firefly bootie. 

1. Break a glow stick & shake it.  (Don't use glitter, it clumps up the goo.)

2. Cut off top & pour goo into Mason jar and screw on lid. 

3. Shake it but don't break it, took ya mama nine months to make it. Whoop POW!

Makin' Whoopie in Marriage

Check out the conversation I had via text with a friend recently.  She couldn't meet with me because she had a sex date.  With Her Hubby.   She may be my current hero.  We are all so busy and wear it like a badge of honor --work, kids, appointments, life.  Kudos to this whoopierific woman who blew me off to get it on with her man, a few hours after she had a mammogram.  She deserves a trophy!

The man I married also deserves a trophy - HOT HUBBY OF THE YEAR.  We just celebrated our 13 year anniversary and I still feel like I won the jackpot.  Years ago, after Dan came down South to Spring City, Tennessee to meet my dad's side of the family, I wasn't sure he would stick around.  Spring City is next to Soddy Daisy, around the corner from Stump Hollow.  That's near the Smokey Mountains in the boonies.  Dan's family is from the other side of the tracks, the fancy side.  He joined me for the Cecil Family Fish Fry and as we were on the plane, I cautioned, "I hope everyone has all their teeth in."  That should have been the least of my fears.

I got a good case of the hillbilly willies that day.  Everyone was enjoying the fish fry with extended Cecil family members.  My grandpa has 17 brothers and sisters and there is always kinfolk coming up to hug ya who you don't quite recognize when hundreds of relatives are around.  However, there is one unforgettable auntie!  She invokes a declaration to each and every person she greets with her drawn out, "Ba-less your heart" while doing a mighty fine bootie pat.   Aunt Sara christened Dan.  Pat pat.

The hootenanny continued with talk of bass fishing, square dancing, and mayonnaise salad recipes when a minivan pulled up to the curb.  A woman with giant, bleach-blond hair got out of the passenger side and swished to the sliding door in her bright orange Tennessee Vols sweat suit.  She pulled on the handle and reached in to the car seat.  Out on her hip popped a monkey.  In a diaper.

Blondie put her pet in a cage right in the middle of the yard.  The monkey was a well-behaved little Reese cup (Rhesus). There were lots of children who wanted to make mischief with that primate but Blondie didn't want anyone to bother it.   She swished past the front porch glider and yelled, "Now, don't you kids mess with my baby."  (Why in the Sam hell would you bring a monkey in a diaper to a party with kids buzzing on sweet tea?) 

Within minutes, the lock was picked and the little ape was bouncing off trees.  Blondie was pulled away from her ambrosia salad and she was choking so hard on her words that I thought Blondie was going to need the hind lick maneuver.  Baby marshmallows and pineapple bits were flying everywhere as she swished around that yard chasing that monkey.  Granny brought out rot-your-teeth eclair pudding pie for everyone and we watched the action. My second cousin relayed how life-like Reese could look with the proper taxidermic procedures.  Dan the man tried to catch the monkey but instead captured a blurry diaper shot.  That's when I knew he was my man.  

We just celebrated our 13 year anniversary and there are a few things I wish someone had told me about marriage when I was single.

1.  Marry someone who makes you laugh. PERIOD.

2.  Sex has to be great at the beginning.  And it has to be great through the years too to stay connected.

3.  Nagging to a man means saying what needs to get done.  Write it down on a list and you both can check off things that need to be done.  The list keeps things neutral.

4.  Romance involves notes, texting, little things like making coffee, picking up a shirt as a surprise, a slap on the bootie, a laugh, a kitchen dance, holding hands, putting the marriage before kids and rest of the family.

5.  Try to make your partner feel special every day.  The good news is you'll get groped.  When your man stops groping you, there might be trouble in tuba city.  Just sayin...

6.  If you want to keep him hot for you, stay hot for yourself.  Do things that make you feel great, keep you happy, keep you turned on to life.  It's my responsibility to make my own happiness, not his.

7.  Let the monkey out of the cage.  Laugh at it.  Take pictures of it.  Make it into a funny story. 

Cherry On Top: Badass With a Gluegun

It's Cherry Blossom Festival time in DC.  Poet Pablo Neruda's poetry completely relays how I feel about my work.  I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.  Translated in my simple words:  I want to help others feel joy. 

Every year the beauty of the season comes in the form of fluffy pinkness.  This year the weather has rendered the bloom time to be a quick one.  I called seven florists yesterday looking for twigs and was told that they are not coming this year because it snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed.  The flowers pop and then fade very quickly; therefore, the branches can't get to the florist before the blossoms are goners.  If you want to see these beauties, this is the weekend to head down to the Tidal Basin.  You can also watch the explosion from your very own computer on BLOSSOM CAM.   http://www.earthcam.com/usa/dc/cherryblossoms/

In the meantime, I need a prop because I have a TV appearance to talk about the secrets behind Spring celebrations.  Floral factoid:  the first batch of 2,000 cherry trees arrived from Japan in 1910 and were diseased.  Coordination by a woman with whoop pow, Eliza Scidmore, the first female board member at Nat Geo, had them ship over another batch of 3,000 in 1912.

Here is a craft if you want the pink beauties in your life to last all Spring.  I used a glue gun and must say that Martha Stewart has nothing on me with this DIY project. 

1.  Buy a tissue paper craft kit by Klutz and follow the directions. 

2.  Or, buy pink tissue paper.  Make a cherry blossom flower template as shown.  Trace on tissue paper and cut out.  Glue two pieces together.  Scrunch in middle.  Glue gun to twig.  Voila!

 

Final pic coming after I appear on Let's Talk Live. 

Hope you feel like a cherry blossom busting in joy.  If ya need a little inspiration, play Neil Diamond's Cherry Cherry really loud, and dance like you're Martha Stewart with a glue gun. 

More secrets behind spring traditions from my appearance on Lets' Talk Live

SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA

Someone recently asked me to talk about work-home balance.  I feel like a bit of a fraud shedding light on this one because it is an area that needs some attentions in my life.  While I'm cooking dinner, I often check my email, facebook, twitter.  I want to be here when the kids get home from school but often I'm still at my computer finalizing an edit, or an email, or a carpool, or an appointment.  When is enough enough?  We are all so busy.  People say the key is to create boundaries of when to do what and for how long with the goal of enjoying the present.

Something recently popped up in my positive psychology work that really speaks to me- STOP SHOULDING ALL OVER YOURSELF.   Eliminate what does not bring you JOY!  And I'll add to it, STOP SHOULDING ALL OVER YOUR KIDS.  Maybe your child shouldn't play 2 or 3 sports every season.  Maybe he or she won't play varsity soccer or God forbid, get into an ivy league school.  Maybe they'll be happy playing one sport and getting an education in something they want to pursue.  Same for you mom.  Same for me. Maybe I won't be the next big deal.  But I'll be me, being happy. 

As I try to balance work and home, I am trying to find what is right, right now.  My new practice is that every time I walk through a door, I think about what is good right now.  What can I be grateful for instead of what I should do to have something else.  There's my work-home balance tip:  STOP SHOULDING AND START BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW.  All the should coulda woulda will fall away and give you more time to be present.   I like presents.

Bless Your Pea Pickin' Heart - Whoopie Pie Recipe

Nothing brings on Spring like flowers.  I love pansies.  They get a bad rap with that name! They are not delicate. They are the toughest bloomers I've ever met.   Pansies last through a harsh winter, hunkering down under the snow, and pop their beautiful petals until the Summer sun beats them down.  And they are edible unlike the shamrocks I put on my husband's birthday whoopie pies.  Happy to report that he is still kickin.    

This recipe is from my Grandma Helen Bessie Cecil who is like the pansy, beautiful and resilient.   It's called Pea PIckin' Cake.  Pea pickin' is a term from a country song by Tennessee Ernie Ford. It is a term of endearment because we grow peas in the South and pick them, shell them, and eat them off the vine, so thus, "bless your pea-pickin' little ol' heart."  There are not any peas in the recipe.  That would be gross.  Bless you.

Pea PIckin' Whoopie Pies

1 box butter cake mix
1 can 15 oz mandarin oranges-  drained
4 eggs
1/2 c vegetable oil

Beat ingredients and pour into whoopie pans.  Or bake in 3 x 8" cake pans for cake.
Cook at 350 degrees: 15 minutes for the whoopies.  Cook 25 minutes for cake. 
Toothpick should come out clean.  Cake is super moist.  Cool thoroughly before frosting.

Frosting
8 oz cool whip (or whipped cream)
Large can crushed pineapple - drained
1 small instant vanilla pudding
Beat ingredients.  Spread on the love between layers.

Glaze:
1/2 cup confectionery sugar
2 tablespoons hot water
2 drops yellow food coloring
Adjust glaze with confectioners sugar to get a consistency that will "set up."
Top with flowers.  Pansies were purchased at Whole Foods.

Bless Your Pea Pickin' Heart!

ADDICTED TO "BUSY"

A DAY IN THE LIFE:  husband. two kids. dog. business. friends. social life. errands. soccer. lacrosse. swim practice. birthday presents. after school activities. meetings. workouts. love. sex. marketing.  comedy. positive psychology classwork. social media. spiritual time. reading. fun. cooking. cleaning. traffic. workshops. parents. family. love. joy. self care. bath. grocery store. research. writing. eat. sleep. smile. coaching. planning. recharge time.

The above list identifies my day.  They are not in the order of importance or we all know fun would be first.  Our culture is so busy.  We are frazzled, don't turn off our cell phones, and we are running every which way.  WE ARE DEPLETED.  

Hi, my name is Cyndy and I'm addicted to "being busy."  I volunteer for this group and that effort.  I over-commit.   It's something I constantly work on and have been better until a recent over scheduled Winter season.  I've become a drill sergeant for my kids telling them to get their water bottle, hurry up, we have 5 minutes to get to the afternoon's activity.  ENOUGH!   I'm going down, I'm going TIMBER.  

We would do well to remember that we choose how our day rolls out.  A few years ago I "minimized" for a summer, only doing what I had to do.  I found that I was able to be much more present with my friends and family.  I wasn't scattered.  Using the advice from a woman and coach I adore, Barbara Stanny, she suggested I keep a "receiving journal."  http://barbarastanny.com  I wrote down feelings that I received from my day and it guided me on how I wanted to plan my future.  It was transformative.  And I learned that it is of utmost importance to make time for myself. 

So I challenge you to take a SPRING BREAK FOR THE SOUL and recharge your batteries.  Schedule daily time to take care of yourself. They say teachers teach what they need to learn.  Here I go.  Join me in this effort.

VIDEO:  ASK CYNDY - HOW TO GIVE "OVERWHELM" THE WHOOP POW!

And if you would like more in-person ideas, join me at an upcoming workshop: 

GET UNSTUCK USING POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY WITH A SPLASH OF WHOOP POW Saturday, 3/29/14 in Bethesda, MD, 1-4p.  If you ever feel like life is so busy, you wanna pull your hair out, this gathering is for you.  If you feel frazzled and sometimes stuck on how to move forward, get your bootie in this class.  Join me in this three hour play-shop for some creative ways to problem solve using positive psychology tools with a splash of whoop POW.  Fun is involved.  Hair pulling is not.  For more information and registration:  http://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e90qxl4p2091c367&llr=u87xkypab