Do You Want A Legendary Love Affair? Here's how...

Lust is simple, people.  Love is hard.  50 Shades of Grey is steamy, but I'd like to see Anastasia and Christian as a married couple after 10 years with children.  Their playroom would definitely have different toys. 

Can love and lust co-exist for the long haul to have a legendary love affair?  I think I am having one.

I kissed a lot of frogs along the way and learned some icky lessons.  There was the guy I dated in college who was part of a pact.  My best girlfriend, Jenny Plenty, and I had an agreement that one of us each summer would date a guy with a water ski boat so we could enjoy our slalom skills.  Greg The Boatman was a perfect fit.  He was hunky, nice, and his family owned a lake house.  One weekend, a group of us were staying at his lake house and we did a stupid thing after having a few drinks.  We took the boat out at midnight, throttled it full speed, and then reversed it.  It was dangerous and stupid.  I had the vapors and retired to bed.  The next morning I woke up, went to the bathroom, and as I was about to walk back into the bedroom, I heard an aerosol spray can.  I peeked through the door and saw Boatman lysoling the bed covers.  Part of me wanted to break up with him right then and there, not understanding his OCD.  I shut the door, and re-entered like I didn't notice the stench of disinfectant.  I simply washed my hands of the issue.  That is the slimy part.  I didn't stand up for myself or question him or even offer to help.  Now I would be thrilled, seeing a man with super-power cleaning skills.

There were other frogs along the way.  One Southern creeper told me he wanted to be with me because he had a "Madonna Complex" and I was the "good girl" in the mix.  There was the New York abusive toad addicted to prescription medication.  A British prince charming cheated on me.  One Hollywood croaker thew a lamp at me.  At the end of the day, I let those slime balls into my life.  I had to break my legs to stand up for myself.  (That story is on another blog post.)  The way to have a legendary love affair is to love yourself enough to to demand it.  The way you value yourself is the the way others will treat you.  

I've been married 14 years to my legendary love.  We have a sizzling romance.  We have had our ups and downs through the years.  We have been to therapy.  We have had spiritual guidance.  More than anything, we honor each other and make room for the other person to be who are they.  Here are my tips for keeping the love alive to have love AND lust for the long haul, even it you don't want to put a ball in your mouth. 

THE REAL "SAFE" WORD:  TOUCH

When someone familiar touches you, “It’s like magic.  Calm washes over the whole brain…leaving yourself behind and being in the moment, ready to play,”  says Neuroscientist James Coan, University of VA.  The pre-frontal cortex calms down.  Holding hands is shown to help people feel safe.  

• Have a "code" word you use, and whenever someone says it, you have to touch.
• Kiss more often.  Locking lips releases oxytocin, the horomone that makes us bond.  #Twentysecondkiss is all it takes.
• I like the Shades of Grey "make out every time you are in an elevator alone." 

50 SHADES OF PLAY

When you first start dating, there’s an air of intrigue.  Reignite the romance with play.  The opposite of play is not work, it’s depression,” says Stuart Brown Institute of Play.  Domestication can lead to feeling in a rut and bored.  Experts say we need to PLAY. 

• Surprise your love.  Show up at your husband or wife’s office before lunch. Call from the parking lot and to say you are there for a lunch rendezvous.
• Write sexy notes.  "I'm thinking about you" text or call with a teaser for some "bonding time" later.  Leave sexy Post-it notes for each other.
• Have a mystery date – i.e., Pick a place. Then every hour on the hour during the workday, I send my guy an e-mail feeding him clues about where I want him to meet me that night and landmarks that will lead him to the location. The last clue is the address where he finds me in the most private booth I can find.

BE ON LUVR STATUS

• Pick a sexy nickname for each other.  While typical terms of endearment such as honey, and sweetie are nice, you wouldn’t want rip your clothes off for a person who uses nicknames your mom calls you.  Find a sexy one your partner.  We use LUVR, even in front of our kids. 
• Put the brakes on being child-centered and make your relationship the center.  Studies show that couples who do more things alone together are happier. Go to a concert, play golf, go on dates, vacation without kids. “Love between the couple is the real cradle that holds the baby.”  Julie Gottman
• Turn it up in the boudoir with a fantasy box where you and your partner put in five suggestions each from doing a strip tease to a new position, toys, lube, etc.  Or, order one from this fab company that will ship it to you.   https://www.thefantasybox.com/
• Get naked. Lock the bedroom door after 10 p.m. so you can sleep naked without fear of exposing the children to a primal scene.
  

What ways do you keep the love alive?  Share in the comments section.

And if you want a frolicking good time, join me on March 6 in Bethesda, MD for The MAKIN' WHOOPIE COMEDY SHOW.  Tickets & info http://bit.ly/makinwhoopiemarch62015

Happy Valentine's Day!
Hugs,
Cyndy

THAT NEW BRA FEELING+WAYS TO PUSH UP THE HAPPY FACTOR AT WORK

I am really afraid to put this out there for fear of what you might think of me.  But I'm doing it anyway, living up to my credo that we only have one life on this planet and we have to whoop it up.  Being authentic is part of it, and I'm playing with it.

A few years ago, back when I worked for E! Entertainment Television in Los Angeles, I was involved in a sexual harassment case. I was 28 years old, in management with a staff of six writer/producers, several associate producers, a few production assistants, an intern, and multiple freelancers.  We created great promotional commercials with every major celebrity saying E!, entertainment television!  I sat in meetings with Joan Rivers and discussed the best ways to promote Fashion Police.  I was part of the Howard Stern on TV effort.  I did red carpet interviews.  It was a blast until one day an editor threw a tape at our intern.

I went through the proper procedures and filed a report with Human Resources.  As a result, the editor was put on the overnight shift.  In some kind of retaliation move, a few months later, he complained to HR that I sexually harassed him.  There was a big meeting in the President of Human Resources office with several other management team members.  They took the complaint seriously.  There would be a full investigation.  I was never to be alone with him.  Each member of my staff would be interviewed.  Personal questions would be asked.

 I told the President of Human Resources that if I wanted to risk my job and harass someone, he would have to be really good looking, not look like a little troll.  Well, that didn't go over well.  His claim was that I put my "boobs" on his back and I told him to make edits.  After laughing off my chair, I stuck out my chest revealing that I'm not a Double D, and I would have to be really close to him, practically lying on him to have my breasty dumplings on his back. If I was on his back, he would not be able to make an edit because the sheer weight of my body would inhibit his ability to push buttons.  That CSI analysis didn't fly.

Finally, I told them I was not so much offended for being accused of sexual harassment, but offended for anyone thinking I would lower my standards to use my "girls" without being paid or having a magazine spread.   I mean, jeez, what'd they take me for?!

An investigation ensued for 3 months with my staff to determine if I was "inappropriate."  Everyone was looking at my lady pillows.  My boulder holders had enough padding, they could have been used as a flotation device.  I bought new bras because it embarrassed the Victoria Secrets right out of me.  I minimized.  I felt small.  I could go on and on about the trials and tribulations of crying my eyes out in the parking lot before I went into work every day, practicing my mantra that "I am bigger than this!," holding my head high while feeling humiliated, and trying my darndest to be the most "appropriate" employee of all time.

Lo and behold, after three months, I was found innocent and everyone carried on their merry way.  Except I was left with a feeling of being abused and did what any self-righteous, innocent woman would do.  I immediately went to the lingerie department and bought the whole lot of Betsy Johnson brassieres.  There's nothing like that new bra feeling!

As I reflect on how I remained a joy-filled person during that ordeal, truths to creating happiness at work are revealed. I've been employed by large corporations such as Viacom, CBS, Showtime, Comcast, E!, Turner Broadcasting.  I've been a member of small production companies.  Now I am an entrepreneur.  According to Forbes, the traditional gold standard for measuring professional success is money, yet happiness seems to be highest-priority goal for feeling successful.  An oft-cited study by Stanford University economist Angus Deaton and psychologist Daniel Kahneman indicates that once you’re pulling in a salary of $75,000, any additional dollar earned does nothing more to increase personal life satisfaction.  Put that in your lingerie drawer and scent it.  Here are some things I do make work a joyriding adventure, even with the bumps along the way.

Truths to Push Up the Happiness Factor at Work

Move your body at work. Schedule walking meetings and phone calls.  Sitting is the new smoking.  Set an alarm for every 50 minutes to get off your tush and shake it.   We had a snow day yesterday and I played "Just Dance" with my daughter.  I'm inspired to do four dances during the day to get in an extra 20 minutes of exercise in the privacy of my playroom.  And, I'll have the moves to prove it. 

Schedule activities that bring you joy.  Schedule things that make you happy.  Lunch with your lover.  Coffee with a friend. Shake your body at Zumba class.  Walk to get an ice cream.  Take a weekly shopping break.  Get a massage every two weeks.  Mani/Pedi every Friday with a girlfriend.  Have dance breaks to get you off your tush.  Once these "happy blasts" are on my calendar, I follow through.

Get out of the Judger's Pit.  At work, there is bound to be things that do not go as expected or envisioned.  Try not to go negative.  There are more negative words than positive.  According to a study at Penn State, "half of all the words that people produce from their working vocabulary to express emotion are negative. And 30 percent are positive and 20 percent are neutral."  The Choice Map provides tools to switch lanes when the proverbial "shit hits the fan."

Get more sleep.  After a sleepless night, you may be more irritable, short-tempered, and vulnerable to stress.  Enough said!

Create a social circle of like-minded business people.  Commit to creating a circle of like-minded business "friends" in which no money is exchanged between members.  Use the group to brainstorm ideas, explore ways to achieve goals, and be accountable to someone outside of "work."  My group is called the Gold Bikinis and we have calls every Monday to brag about what we have accomplished, give gratitude for what we have, and state our desires for what we want.  This pic was a slumber party we had in December.  No one was wearing a gold bikini, but we could.

Help someone EVERY DAY.  Check in with a friend who is having a tough time, mentor a colleague, call your mother and listen, volunteer, pay for someone's coffee in line in front of you.  From Forbes, Professor Cassie Mogilner, a researcher on happiness and time management at the Wharton School, explained this study recently, “The results show that giving your time to others can make you feel more ‘time affluent’ and less time-constrained than wasting your time, spending it on yourself, or even getting a windfall of free time.”
Whether it be through mentorship, volunteering, showing interest, or lending an ear to a friend, giving time to others expands your sense of time and results in greater life satisfaction.  Random Acts of Kindness Week is just before Valentine's Day but you get bonus points in heaven for doing it when it's not a national "holiday!"

Reflect about the things you’re grateful for.  I often forget how much is accomplished and sometimes get bummed that things are not moving as fast as I'd like.  I am building a gratitude board, like a vision board, but with all my achievements from the last year.  It will also have a section of what is upcoming so that when I get the blues, I can whistle while I work, padded bra, and all.

 

Designs by my friend and artist Tara Dixon http://gratitudedesigns.com/products/ 

BROKE MY LEGS TO KICK MY INNER CRTIC'S ASS

Years ago I had an accident that broke me.  The picture to the left is me with my friend Matt who had been driving the snowmobile that hit a tree and sent us careening down Whistler Mountain in Vancouver, Canada.   After the crash, he tried to convince me that I would be ok.  My legs were like noodles and I looked up to him and said, "I am not going to be ok because you are not wearing any underwear!"  In the accident, his pants had ripped and he was commando over me.  We had a laugh, hitched a toboggan and started the pain killers.  Morphine really helps ya smile unless you have a bad drug trip and think you are dying and going to a dark place instead of the light.  Oh, sorry to digress. Things continued to spiral down. I was told I would be in a wheelchair for 6 months.  My apartment was in a 5^th floor walk-up building and I could not use it.  I was on disability leave from work that I loved at Showtime Networks.  My boyfriend dumped me.  I was in pain.  My family was 800 miles away.  I was broken.

 Negative thoughts were rolling around my head, “You have no one in your life, you are going to wither away.  You don't matter.  You have really messed it up now.  You are going to be so lonely.”  After a month of being in a Vic-o-din haze, I thought, “WAIT THIS IS NOT WHO I AM.  Enjoy the break from work.  Have friends visit you and take you out. Tell the jerk who dumped you to kiss off.  Stand up for being someone who makes the best out of any situation.”  I ordered delicious meals. I had the physical therapist wheel me to the park for our sessions.  I got a great tan minus the scars and cast because I sunned on the sidewalk in a bikini and wheelchair.  I become the unofficial mayor of West 81^st St. and chatted up men, women, and children on their way to and fro.  My friends took me out and carried me through many an awkward door frame to get into a restaurant or bar.  I had more dates than at any other time of my life.  I ended up falling in love with the man I’ve been with for 17 years.

I made a choice to think about my situation differently by changing the voice inside my head.  Sometimes those voices tell you to be mad at someone without all the facts.  Sometimes the thoughts make you feel fearful about money.  Would you spend time with a friend who talked to you like that?  What credentials does that voice have?  So here are 5 techniques to whoop it up with your mind chatter.

 

1.   Counter the thought.  Try the positivity ratio, discovered by Barbara Frederickson.  It's 3:1.  Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with 3 positive ones.  Negative:  My arms are fat.  Positive:  My arms are strong.  My arms are smooth. My arms allow me to hold my child.  Wear a rubber band on your wrist and pop it when you're negative.  Snap out of it.

 
 2.   Get rational:  Ask three questions, by Emiliya Zhivotovskaya, who is the founder of the Flourishing Center and the program where I got my positive psychology certification.  http://www.emiliya.com/

•  Not true because…
•  Another way of looking at this is….
• Most likely outcome is…

For example, I was beating myself up for not having success on a project. The voice, "You're not able to do it.  You can't run your own company. You don't have what it takes."  

 

That's not true because I have a lot of success in my life.

Another way of looking at this is that I just need to learn some techniques and strategies. 

The most likely outcome is that it will be a learning process and I will be able to do it with some practice.

3.   Open Your Heart

This tip is from The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer talks about Samskara, which is a Sanskrit word meaning “impression.”  Samskara is a blockage, a scar from an old wound, an impression from the past.  It is unfinished business and can end up running your life. 

Open your heart and live in love when these thoughts occur.   Allow the experiences of life to come in and pass through your being.  See page 57 for an example.

http://www.amazon.com/Untethered-Soul-Journey-Beyond-Yourself/dp/1572245379/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406730206&sr=1-1&keywords=untethered+soul+michael+singer&dpPl=1

 
4.   The Learner & Judger Paths

Why am I such a failure?  Why did they do that?  Who’s fault is it? These thoughts put you in the Judger’s Pit.

              OR

What happened?  What do I want?  What am I responsible for?  What can I do now?  What are my choices?  What can I learn?  Now you're on the Learner Path. 

5.   Laugh @ the negative voice – This is an exercise in the extreme.  Create a persona for your negative voice.  My negative voice is an old hag named Gertrude who never follows her dreams.  She is a sad, scared old woman full of fear.  She drinks and smokes and, wants company in her misery. "You’re weak.  You can’t do it.  You are not good enough.  You don’t have an ivy league education.  You aren’t smart enough."   When she starts harping on me, I tell her to shut up.  I recognize her and kick that old, angry hag to the curb. 

There ya have it, 5 ways to give that negative voice the whoop POW!  
Hugs to you!

Upcoming Classes and Speaking Engagements - Whoop It Up to Have More Joy

 

WORKSHOPS

 • 1/20/15 1-2pm - TELECLASS:  How to Get Down with Your Inner Critic
http://www.femfessionals.com/pages/singleevents.aspx?eid=122970
     
 


• 1/22/15 1-2pm - TELECLASS:  How to Make Your Own Luck
http://www.femfessionals.com/pages/singleevents.aspx?eid=12297
   

 • 2/3//15 1-2pm TELECLASS:  How to Be Happier at Work
http://www.femfessionals.com/pages/singleevents.aspx?eid=122999
 








SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS 
March 11-13, 2015 Sonoma, CA Gather, Grow & Go Conference  http://www.g3sonoma.com/
"Cyndy, added an incredible dynamic to our G3 conference experience. Her energy, enthusiasm, and most importantly her message not only had participants on the edge of their seats with anticipation and constant laughter around the room, but created an environment of safe, trustworthy space to look inward and think about our own wow." - Founder Piper Abodeely, Gather, Grow, & Go Conference Sonoma, CA.

Things to Do In DC 1/16/15 - 2/1/15

DC is so full of fun things to do and here is a roundup of ideas to whoop it up in the next few weeks.  

SATURDAY NIGHT SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING 1/17 Saturday nt. Superfly Disco  - Love this band!   Fillmore Silver Spring http://www.superflydisco.com/

MONDAY MLK, Jr. Day

• MKL Peace Walk & Parade - January 19, 2015, 11:30a.m -2p (assemble at 10am at 2500 Martin Luther King Jr. Ave SE and Milwaukee Place SE, Washington DC)    

• Day of Service - 1/19 is also deemed the MLK Volunteer Day of Service.  "Life's most persistent and urgent question is: 'What are you doing for others?'"  Go to dc.gov/service/martin-luther-king-jr-day-service or visit your county website for ideas.  Also another site volunteermatch.org.

• Let Freedom Ring Concert At the Kennedy Center Concert Hall with Natalie Cole.  Tickets are free and will be distributed 2 per person in line on Monday, January 19 in the Hall of Nations beginning at 5pm.  http://www.kennedy-center.org/events/?event=ZPAEM

 

SCHOOLS OUT & THE KIDS WILL BE JUMPING OFF THE WALL -  Go to SKYZONE in Columbia, MD.  Trampoline, foam pit to dive into, dodge ball, and basket ball.  Gotta love the socks!  Call ahead to reserve your time.  http://www.skyzone.com/

GO SEE SOME ART  - Richard Estes’ Realism – These paintings look like real photos.  The kids love it. 1st floor West, American Art Museum 8th and F Streets, N.W., thru February 8, 2015 

 

EAT - WASHINGTON RESTAURANT WEEK more info - Washington, DC Restaurant Week
January 19-25, 2015 My pick is also my favorite restaurant in DC - Rasika, West End.  A giant silver hand sculpture welcomes you, offering you vitality and positivity.  The décor is beautiful, and food is beyond delish. Have the crispy spinach, the chili naan and any vindaloo they offer.   More than 200 of DC’s finest restaurants will be offering 3-course lunches for $20.14 and 3-course dinners for $35.14 for this gourmet event.   (More on hand gestures in the yoga practice at http://www.eyogaforbeginners.com/hand-mudra-meanings-explanations-and-benefits/

   

 

LAUGH - Go see Tom Papa at the DC Improv.   http://www.dcimprov.com/home/tom-papa.html   20 years as a standup, movie credits, and he was personally chosen by Jerry Seinfeld to host the NBC series "The Marriage Ref."  

SUPERBOWL Sunday 2/1 - If you are going out to watch the game in DC, the best places are Public Bar in Dupont, Sports Tavern in Penn Quarter, and The Greene Turtle Gallery Place.    If you're staying in to watch the game with family and friends, try your hand at these little appetizers.  Use a 00 decorating icing tip to get a small piping of the mustard.  

       

Go to the theater - Gigi at the Kennedy Center.  Ok, my daughter is named Gigi so we are definitely going.  It's a great musical based on the book by Colette.  Starring Vanessa Hudgens, Eric Schaeffer directs a world premiere production of Lerner and Loewe's musical comedy.  It's a women's empowerment story as Gigi stands for herself during turn-of-the-century Paris, even though she was guided to be something else.  http://www.kennedy-center.org/events/?event=TPTSD 

More ideas coming soon...

Whoopierific Ways to Keep Resolutions

Do you think that actually going to the yoga class is more beneficial than walking around in stretch pants all day?  There IS a plus to looking like a OOOOOmanista with a green juice.  For istance, I feel flexible.  It's easy to get in and out of my car with packages.  And people think I worked out.  Guess it doesn't really meet the resolution to practice getting more grounded.  Yoga is supposed to be such a good stress reliever.  My issue is that when I do my downward dog, I end up sounding like Queen LaQueefa.  That's not zen, it's freaking noisy.  

According to Forbes magazine, only 8% of us will keep our New Years Resolutions.  It's freaking hard to change.  Some experts say that to break a habit, you have to replace it with a new habit. They suggest we rewire the brain with a new, positive trigger, and reward yourself.   Guess that means to get the benefit of a downward dog, I'll need to do an online class in private, and treat myself to a green juice in public.  This is making me feel so grounded.  It really is a practice.

Watch my take on ways to make resolutions stick or read more ideas below...

 

Say you want to exercise more.  Join a gym with a friend.   The accountability of having a buddy with you will actually keep you showing up.  Take a class that is enjoyable.  You are more likely to stick to anything if you add an element of fun.  Zumba is hit and half because we shake it like a Polaroid. 

Want more happiness?   Try a celebratory attitude by finding a reason to celebrate the every day.  It can be simple - I didn't yell at my kids today.  Or, whoo hoo, I slept 8 hours last night.  Some people might put this in the gratitude category.  There are oodles of unique "holidays" if you need a little extra help.  Last week was Elvis' birthday so we had pb & banana sammies for dinner.  Next week there is National Hug Day.  I resolve to try the "more-than-you-were-expecting" hug on a few people. 

DAYS TO CELEBRATE THIS WEEK:
1/13 Tuesday - Make Your Dream Come True Day.  Better than a resolution, this is buket list material for dreaming big.  Check out Before I Die http://beforeidie.cc/site/  Candy Change painted an abandoned building with chalkboard paint and started a movement. 

Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.

Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.

Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.

Before I die I want to _______.” Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in public space.

1/14 Wednesday - Dress Your Pet Day:  Oh gawd!  

1/15 National Hat Day:  As if we didn't wear enough hats!  Pick your favorite actual hat or don a metaphoric one. 

1/19 MLK Day of Service - Get out there and help somebody.  If you have kids, check out the shelters.  They often need people to volunteer to make sandwiches.  They also gave us a tour of the facility and it was good for the kids to see where the ladies sleep.  All bunk beds are not created equally.

Whoop it Up!

Whipped Cream for the New Year & Reasons to Celebrate Every Day

I've added some special extra sweetness to my Happy New Year message, celebrating the every day in honor of today's Whipped Cream Day.

One of the most popular resolutions is to be happy.  In case you run out of reasons, every Monday, I'll post my picks for ways to celebrate the every day.

Monday, Jan. 5 - Whipped Cream Day - so many uses! 

Tuesday, Jan. 6 - Cuddle Up Day - Science shows that 8 Hugs a day improve happiness.

Wednesday, Jan. 7 - I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore Day.  Pick what you're sick of and kick it in the pants. 

Thursday, Jan. 8 - Elvis' Birthday.  Whooppieee!  Start the day with PB & Banana sammies.  Then spread some germs for Joy-Germ Day by smiling at people, making people laugh, and generally spreading happiness everywhere you go.  And make sure to include a nice soak for Bubble Bath Day. 

Friday,  Jan. 9 - Static Electricity Day.  Rub a balloon to build up static, and then have fun by making your hair stand on end.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

More great reasons to celebrate the every day next Monday...